Betrayal. Cheating. Backstabbing.
No matter what you call it, it is one of the worst things you can experience in life. It can shake your core and even make you renounce relationships altogether.
But it doesn’t have to.
In fact, moving on and finding someone who is honest is the best revenge. Of course, that is much easier said than done if you don’t have the right tools.
Most people don’t know how to get over being cheated on.
This is not because they are emotionally unintelligent, but rather because most people never imagine the possibility of that kind of dishonesty.
That is why I consulted with the foremost relationship experts and compiled their advice in a list of seven tips for getting over betrayal.
If you have a story you want to share, including how you coped during a crisis, I’d love to talk about it.
1. Come to Terms With It
Finding out that someone has cheated on you will send you surging on an emotional roller coaster.
Process these feelings.
Shock, anger, hate, and sadness should be given as much time as they need to manifest in whatever way you need. You can process them alone, with friends and family, or even a therapist.
But never obsess.
This process is a means to move forward, not to wallow in the past.
2. Don’t Blame Yourself
Victims often blame themselves for betrayal. This is normal but absolutely faulty logic.
It is not your fault.
There is nothing you can do to warrant being treated with the disrespect and contempt it takes for a partner to cheat.
You should never feel guilty about ‘pushing’ your partner away or breaking up.
If there was an issue in the relationship, there are many other routes your ex could have taken to resolve it instead of causing you the shame and embarrassment that come with betrayal.
3. Do Some Soul Searching
Now is a good time to consider other people in your life through soul searching.
Did others know about your partner’s transgressions and fail to inform you? Are you still in touch with their friends?
Not only do they act as a reminder of your now ex, they also demonstrated that they can’t be trusted either.
True friends are open and honest with you, especially when it comes to devastating life events like this.
4. Don’t Betray Others
You know how difficult it is to deal with betrayal, so why would you turn around and start betraying others?
No matter how you move on from this, the worst thing you could possibly do is use this experience to hurt someone else in the same way you were hurt.
If you are unhappy in a relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, just move on.
At the end of the day, revenge does nothing for your ego and just puts bad karma in the air.
Holding a grudge can be toxic.
And while it is important to deal with your emotions after this kind of event, it is equally important to forgive.
Now, I’m not telling you to phone your ex and accept their wrongdoing.
What I am saying, however, is that you should detach yourself from the pain and stop harbouring frustration.
Forgiveness, in this case, is more for your own personal well-being than it is for anyone else.
6. Envision the Future
One common technique for attaining success is visualization.
It is often those who can see the clear skies ahead who eventually attain the future they want.
Planning and even dreaming for a brighter future is a healthy indication that you are moving on and doing so in the right way.
No matter how bad life can seem at any given moment after a breakup, the truth is that time is healing and things only get better from your lowest point.
7. Take a Chance with Someone New
You may never be ‘over’ what happened to your relationship, but you can definitely develop the mental tools you need to deal with it when it arises.
Considering dating again and even finding a new partner might seem scary and make you reluctant.
But like many other facets of life, taking a leap of faith is just something that you’re going to have to do.
Most people are good-hearted and won’t hurt you if they are committed.
The secret is finding those people, cultivating healthy relationships, and learning to trust again.
Once you find a partner who treats you the way you should be treated, you will forget about the transgressions of others.
Above all, it is important to know that happiness is a choice. It is not something that comes naturally to anyone, no matter how it looks to from outward appearances.
As unfortunate as it may be to realize that this happens often, there are even more relationships that provide a lifetime of happiness. And that’s a pretty nice thought.